Toxic Relationships

April 26, 2011

{Lace Top: Kohls, Under T: F21, Cardi: Old Navy, Black Jeggings: Kohls, Nude Wedge Platforms: Plato's Closet, Necklace: AE}

{WARNING: This post may get a little serious but it has been on my mind so here we go!}

I have been thinking a lot lately about certain people in my life that are just plain toxic. We all know the ones they are: selfish, inconsiderate, and prideful. They can be a family member, a friend, co-worker, really the list could go on and on and I'm sure you get the point ;). I have had this song in my head for weeks now, it so eloquently sums up my feelings better than I could:

The Rocket Summer
Story:
"They're building you up to tear you down,
They won't admit it but it's true.
Their smile and advice to end with your frown,
'cause they don't want what's best for you.
It's sad I know, I know....

"....And I'm not saying that I'm any better than you.
Sometimes I have motives that are just so stupid and I play the fool.
But man, you're killing me
The charade has got to end,
So stop acting like you know everything,
Because you're missing the point,
You are supposed to be my friend..."

Now I am in no way saying that I am Ms Paulie Perfect, I have plenty of issues that I need to work on myself. But if you are considered more than an acquaintance to me I am always loyal, and am there for you no matter what. It's hard when people who you thought were there for you really aren't, and treat you like you are a doormat they can whip their feet on whenever they please. A friendship or relationship isn't defined by or based on: what the other person can do for me. It's about what you can do, and the happiness you bring to each other. 
I have come to the realization that I am an adult now, I don't have to let people kick me around just for the sake of having people in my life, nor do I need to be in a friendship or relationship that is one-sided. There are plenty of people out there to surround myself with (or plenty of fish in the friendly sea right? ;)). I don't need to associate myself with pettiness and neither do I need to be petty about the situation. It's just a matter of life really, people come and go in life, and some exit gracefully and some exit by slamming the door in your face.
I have talked over and over with hubby about this, and he has given me such great counsel. He said that being the bigger person in the situation doesn't mean that you need to associate with that person any further. Don't go out of your way to be kind, but when the situation arises where you need to interact with that person you do so in a polite way without putting yourself out there to be vulnerable. Also he has drilled this into my brain just forgive and and let it go, dwelling on the problem only hurts me. Wise man that hubby is. It was somewhat of a relief when he told me this, I was constantly putting myself out there after being kicked around, and where did that get me?...Being kicked around all over again.  Very vicious cycle!
I've decided to do away with toxic relationships in my life, and I have never felt better. Sure I will be pleasant from afar, but won't put myself out there, and nor do I hold ill feelings towards anyone. It feels great to stick up for myself and keep it real at the same time.

Hope this little snippet was helpful to you. It has been weighing on my mind for some time, and I felt the need to share with you, if it only helped one of ya'll then I did my job ;). Thanks so much for all your love everyday friends, I will continue to say it over and over again that you all are THE best! Keeps it real mmk? Love, lovez.

ps: Entered?

39 comments :

  1. I totally know how you feel girl. It's tough. I just went through that for the past few months. Sounds like you've got a great hubby by your side.

    Have a good day!!

    ellelorraine.com

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  2. first things first: that shirt is amazing. love the lace. it is so ladylike and beautiful, but you can totally rock it in a more funky way too.

    ok, down to the nitty gritty (in my best nacho libre voice): i went through this recently. it is heartbreaking to have a friend up and leave you, speak ill of you and generally just treat you like dirt. if you've talked it out with this person, and things still aren't changing, it's time to move on. yes, it will be incredibly hard, especially if you see this person often. you can still love this person and wish nothing but the best for their life, but you do not have to give a sacred part of yourself to them (your friendship).

    part of having respect for yourself and others is knowing when to swallow your pride and accept that some things can't be fixed, and they don't necessarily need to be. what is the saying . . . "people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime."

    i'm thinking of you, girlie! keep your chin up, and don't forget to smile that beautiful smile!

    -suzanne
    awkwardly chic

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  3. Love your outfit! Looks adorable! The color of that Cami is perfect! I think everyone has those toxic people in their lives. Its just how we deal with them that differ. On one hand you dont want to lose a friend but on the other you dont like the way that friendship makes you feel. You made the right choice by distancing yourself. I think you will see it will make you a happier person. LOVE the ones who LOVE you!

    http://jennaleelac.blogspot.com/

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  4. Hey girl I feel you... Forgiveness of others does not mean you have to support their behavior. This is a tricky line to walk and only the savior knows your situation and he'll guide you through. I happen to have a toxic parent, talk about tricky line to walk. The ties are cut and I feel completely at peace. I have love and forgiveness for him but I also feel that he is not able/ready/willing to be a part of my family or my life.
    Good luck with your situation. Sending love your way.
    ~sophie

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  5. Agreed! I have a hard time pretending to be nice to someone who is just plain rude to me. The smile, wave, and move on is a good method for not putting yourself further into the line of fiery people.

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  6. amazing, YOURE PRETTY <3
    xx the cookies
    share the feeling
    www.samecookiesdifferent.blogspot.com

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  7. I am loving that lace top...and I totally know what you mean about "those" people-get rid of them!! :-)

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  8. ah, i always think about this too. by this point i have pretty much distanced myself from toxic people... they just arent worth it! there comes a point when you have to have your own back! i love your pretty shirt!

    <3 steffy
    Steffys Pros and Cons

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  9. Your hubby gives great advice, I feel the same way. You're still a nice person, you just don't go out of your way to hang out with that person.

    Thanks for the share!

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  10. I had a "toxic friend" situation not too long ago myself. And the sad thing is, it was over something so stupid. But I decided I'd just had enough. I'd been one-sidely trying to maintain this friendship and when this incident occurred, I asked myself, why am I going through all of this effort for someone who obviously doesn't care about me? I'd known this girl since elementary school and I guess I thought I owed her something since we'd known each other for so long. But it was definitely better to let that relationship go and move on. (If you're curious about the story, you can find it on my blog:http://scrapsnscribs.blogspot.com/2010/09/my-two-cents.html)

    And btw, I'm still totally in love with that sweater you're wearing! I tried finding one at my Old Navy but they were OUT! So sad! So, if you ever decide you don't want it anymore, I'll happily take it off of your hands :)

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  11. Thanks for sharing! I'm at that same place in my life. It's just not worth it to keep toxic people close...especially if they are someone you care or once truly cared about. Sometimes the only way to love them is from afar.

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  12. nice i like it i follow you http://redpassioncy.blogspot.com/

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  13. I was recently thinking about this too! I also realized that having 5 good friends is much better than 15 terrible terrible acquaintances!!!!

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  14. Loved reading this. Glad other people feel the same :) love the top so much.

    C x

    http://memiorsofalittlethingcalledlife.blogspot.com/

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  15. oh my goodness. i have been going through this same thing the past few months with who i thought were my best friends. it was much needed for me to read this i cannot thank YOU enough. i have the hardest time letting go. and realizing that i have plenty of others to surround myself with. that actually have a two sided friendship with me. this just clicked to me. through all of this i think i had to learn the hard way that i need to not be a pushover and stand up for myself. glad that i can realate to this..oh and i love that you titled it toxic!!

    anyhoow you are fabulous. love the outfit girl. so happy that i had found your blog

    xoxo

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  16. I've had struggle with this situation before, and although it's hard, it's not healty to associtate with people of negative matter.
    I'm glad your husband has been there to talk with you and help you through something that is extremely hard for anyone, good luck Morgan!

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  17. I totally know what you mean. I'm glad I'm not alone in this. I feel like I have too many of these relationships and its hard to weed them out sometimes, especially the fake nice people! Anyway you look beautiful. I love that top & I love your posts they are always so honest and make me feel better :)

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  18. thanks for that. it's true, we don't need to expose ourselves to that toxicity. we should be around people that uplift and inspire us. or at least make us laugh. ALSO, i LOVE your outfit. fyi.

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  19. Good for you! I have learned this lesson too many times and now try to spot these friends before they get too close. I've discovered often times it's the people who tell you what you "should" do. When I think about it, none of my friends who truly want the best for me tell me what I "should" do, they just share their thoughts and experiences with me and support me in whatever decision I make.

    By the way, if I haven't mentioned it yet, found you through Everybody Everywear and immediately added you to my blogger!

    Oh, and, wow, you have gorgeous hair!

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  20. i know what you mean, i am a people-pleaser, and for the longest time i let everyone walk all over me. now that i realized i'm like that, i've been able to do better at finding my voice.

    ps, i loved your swimsuit post, i just bought one for summer, my first time entering a bathing suit post-baby #1....not fun. it was sickening. oh well, bodies are love hate relationships i guess.

    http://no-2pencil.blogspot.com/

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  21. I love this top! Your shoes are cute too! I totally know how you feel. I also need to rid myself of the negative people in my life! Your husband sounds like a great man, you're very lucky! :)

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  22. i really love this outfit you have such a pretty smile {:

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  23. You poor thing, that is too much for the mind to hold in! And maybe it's even caused you some of that blogger's block you've experienced lately?

    I completely know how you feel, this has happened to me many times before...and just like you, my husband (or mom back in the day) has been the wise one in my life, telling me that I shouldn't be around people who bring me down. But like your husband said, you don't have to block them out altogether, but just start putting space between y'all. Start declining invitations to things and eventually, if it's meant to be (or maybe not meant to be?), then you'll be fine without that person as a friend.

    Be strong and don't let them bring you down!!

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  24. I had to learn the same lesson a couple of years ago. I absolutely hate one sided friendships. I finally figured out that I was wasting my time and I was the only one who cared. Even if it is family sometimes you just have to move on.

    Method Clothe

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  25. wow I have been thinking the same thing for the past couple weeks. I am an adult now and I can choose my friends. I dont need to worry about peer pressure like a child in the school playground. Thanks for confirming for me what has been on my mind!

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  26. THIS is my favorite outfit so far! LOVE!!!! And your hubby does sound like a wise man. We don't need people in our lives that. I completely understand. I've been there and over come it and left it behind. Glad your feeling better!! You rock Mama! :)

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  27. Thank you so much for posting this post, glad I am not the only one with this issue. xo

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  28. ha! I am wearing that same top today :)

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  29. I can totally relate to this, unfortunately. The first postcard this week on Post Secret is how I have felt sine my husband and I got engaged almost two years ago. We didn't have a bridal party--we went non-traditional, but also because I felt all of my friends would be up on stage with me, and I didn't want to pick and choose. Also, asking someone to be in your bridal party can also be a big financial burden (especially if you are getting married in two months, like we did). So I didn't ask anyone, and I didn't ask them for anything except to support me.

    They all did initially. Some did continuously; my closest and oldest friends didn't. We had a reception a few months after our wedding that was supposed to be a party for those we would have asked to be in our bridal party had we had one. Two of my oldest friends threw the biggest fits because their extended families were not invited. I explained the situation to them (that the party was for our "bridal party") and moreover, that my in-law's were paying for everything after they had also paid for an emergency surgery my husband had to have. My two closest friends didn't come, even though they wished me "the reception of my dreams" on the day of the event.

    Sorry to turn this into a rant! I've just been going through my emotions lately, and my husband (wise like yours!) has been helping me deal with things. I'm glad we have such smart husbands and some truly good friends to get us through sucky friendships!

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  30. you are so cute! love love love the bangs

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  31. i like to call those people energetic vampires!!!i know exactly what u mean and speak about!!the most important thing is that u have amazing hubby!:) and that u look lovely in this outfit!!!:))
    xoxoxo
    Jelena
    http://glamfabchameleon.blogspot.com/

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  32. I nearly want to cut and paste this to my site....I feel the exact same way sometimes and you put it out there so well. Just found you via Rose a la Mode via The Daybook ;) good for you to kick the toxic relationships to the curb...I may have to follow suit. :) have a good day

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  33. I was recently thinking about this too! I also realized that having 5 good friends is much better than 15 terrible terrible acquaintances!!!!

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  34. ha! I am wearing that same top today :)

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  35. i really love this outfit you have such a pretty smile {:

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  36. thanks for that. it's true, we don't need to expose ourselves to that toxicity. we should be around people that uplift and inspire us. or at least make us laugh. ALSO, i LOVE your outfit. fyi.

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  37. I've had struggle with this situation before, and although it's hard, it's not healty to associtate with people of negative matter.
    I'm glad your husband has been there to talk with you and help you through something that is extremely hard for anyone, good luck Morgan!

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